Things I'd like to see.

As I sit here at my beloved laptop - everyone, PCBunny, PCBunny, everyone - I ponder about writing you a post on the budget that was delivered today by everyone's favourite child-Chancellor, Gideon Osbourne.

Then I realised that that would be incredibly depressing, no one would care, and ultimately I wouldn't get any more hits on this new baby of mine; by the way, we're over 600 at the moment. Thank you everyone for sharing my post on Facebook and sending people to look at it, it makes me feel all smart and special :)

So I thought I'd do a more interesting post: things that I'd like to see occur, both within Swansea (which means foretelling the election results, obviously) and in the wider world.

Firstly, I'll cover the topic of elections:

Tom Upton creates a Facebook status that doesn't get about 25 likes, and is uncovered as an alcoholic, womanising git, with a video of him surfacing in which he threatens several members of staff to a death match for not realising who he is.


Millie Balkan is uncovered as the scariest feminist in the world and bans all men from campus.

Zahid Raja fails to get into the position of education officer and is instead forced to go to medical school. He gets the highest marks in the history of the university and saves millions of lives without trying. Forty five years later, he is still upset that he never got to parade around outside Fulton House with placards calling for new books and an increase in the number of careers advisors.

Jon May and Becca Taylor don't pick up on a wrong spelling of Students' Union on a candidate's literature and are forever expelled from the Waterfront Office for their failures.

Candidates realise that accosting me on the way to the world's most boring lecture is not the best way to secure my vote, and allow me to walk into Faraday from the library freely.

And the best thing I've already seen this election period: canvassers seeing the sign my housemate put up, and not knocking on my front door

  

 (Thank you, Matt Edwards, you absolute legend).

And everything else:

Train companies refuse to let you get on a train if you're not well-versed in earphone etiquette - if I can hear your music over mine, then you're doing it wrong. They also decide to separate people, allowing them to sit in the carriage that corresponds with what newspaper they read. The Guardian carriage is going to be full of Kettle Chips and Chopin, with informed debates over the Kony situation and how to remove gender inequality from the workplace. The Daily Mail carriage will be full of bile and vitriol, with catty comments about how fat celebrities look in their bikinis. There will be no snacks as they all give you cancer.

Drivers will learn how to indicate properly on roundabouts. They will also learn how not to use the outside lane when you're going all the way around it.

Seagulls will stop flying into my bedroom window when I'm delicately applying eyeliner first thing in the morning.

Bacon will be one day viewed as a basic human right, and will be heavily subsidised by the government on the basis that it makes everyone hapy. Even vegetarians.

And lastly:
David Mitchell will see the light and choose to marry me, rather than Victoria Coren. I think we all know that I'm the superior choice. Sob.


Readers: what would you like to see? And what would you like me to write about? I have a fair few ideas, but it would be nice to get an idea of what you'd like to see covered :)

Swansea Students' Union Elections - Womens' Officer.

For all of you unfortunates who don't have the luxury of coming to Swansea University with its sea views and fog covering them up about 90% of the time, you may not know that it is currently elections week.
Normally, this means that you take the long way into uni, just so as not to be accosted by over-eager candidates trying to barter for your vote. This week is my version of the week-long fitness regime.

However, this year, it's getting particularly dirty. It's scandolous, and I LOVE scandal. Oh yus.

This year, the the post of womens' officer has four candidates running for the role, but there is one in particular who seems to be the source of much contention.

Lets look at her manifesto:
My name is Millie and I believe our Union must identify with the needs of its students. The current position of Women’s Officer is outdated and needs to be replaced with an ‘Equalities Officer’. If you vote for me as Women’s Officer I will transform the role into a position that promotes equality to all social groups as the current position only identifies women. Every inequality should be addressed – not just one. Black, LGBT+ and students with disabilities are currently under-represented and unheard in this position. If you elect me, I will represent these people with integrity, respect and urgency by:
- Working closely with all ethnic minorities to guarantee integration and respect.
- Meeting with the LGBT+ and Feminist Networks on a regular basis, uniting them for the greater cause and giving them a greater voice.
- Ensuring that facilities for those with disabilities are constantly improved and expanded upon.
- Embracing cultural identity and awareness of all religious beliefs across campus.
- Helping women fight against domestic violence, and offering friendly advice about abortion, contraception and pregnancy.
- Co-operating with all other elected part, and full-time officers to stamp out discrimination.
One Union, One Cause, One Love. 
(Taken from the Swansea Students' Union website).

Firstly, I completely agree that the post of womens' officer is completely outdated and illogical; and for that matter, I don't agree with elections where at least one elected member has to be female. I don't care what sex you are as long as you can represent me to the best of your ability in a fair manner; for what it's worth, I identify as female, left-wing and a feminist, so I'm not holding that this is a view held solely by right wing middle class men. My argument lies in that all former discrimination laws have been unified under the Equality Act 2010, so why can't the Students' Union take a similar position? The Equality Act 2010 encompasses all forms of discrimination, whether it be gender, race, or age based, as well as disability, transgender, and maternity & paternity rights.

The big bone of contention is how Millie is running her election campaign. Millie is basing it on the stereotypical idea of the woman in the home - cooking, cleaning, ironing, and looking after small fluffy animals. Now, whilst the majority of us can understand that this is obviously a bit of tongue-in-cheek humour, there are some people who don't seem to be able to take a joke. And this is where this lovely note from Facebook comes in from Steph Lloyd, NUS Wales' Womens' Officer.

First off, why does she feel that it is appropriate to be judging a candidate in this fashion? Yes, I understand she believes Millie to be sexist, but honestly, if she can't understand that this is a campaign designed to make you think again about the role women hold, then I'm concerned.

There's also this gem from the current womens' officer within Swansea Students' Union, Eleri Jones:

"Email from Eleri

Dear all,

I am writing this email with deep concern regarding a candidate who is in the process of running for Women's Officer in my Students' Union. Currently, she has not been told that her manifesto breaches any laws, or any of our SU Policies. I have not been in contact with the candidate, but have voiced my concerns to our General Manager, who seems to think this candidate is allowed to run in these elections, due to the fact that her campaign seems legal.

The candidate in question has submitted her manifesto, which allegedly involves the following:

1. The slogan "Keep women in the Kitchen"

2. Policies on free cooking and ironing lessons for women students only

3. Her campaign team is going to be wearing aprons rather than campaign T-Shirts during campaign week

4. Her team will be using brooms and dusters as props in her video

As I am the current Women's Officer, I am not allowed to see this candidate's manifesto. I am also openly supporting another candidate, which means I am biased. However, my concerns are due to three specific areas:

1. I believe that her manifesto and the tone of her campaign may breach our 'Equal and Non-Discriminatory' Policy which states that: "[the Union] will not publish or make use of any promotional material that degrades, unjustly hurts or discriminates against the identity of its members." And further that: "the objectification of women's bodies has significantly contributed to the degradation, disempowerment and oppression of women that the civil rights movement has campaigned against for many years." I would like to make it clear that we have been contacted by a concerned student who has seen the full manifesto, and believes it to be both offensive and sexist to women.

2. In my job description/remit, it states that: "The Womens' campaign believes that women should be treated as equals and that a society without discrimination is beneficial to all." And further that the Key Roles include:

-Responsible for running and co-ordinating campaigns relating to women's liberation including; Equal pay, Employment Opportunities, Anti-Domestic Violence, Personal Safety, Womens' Health, Pro- Choice, Pregnancy and Harassment etc.

-Work towards combating discrimination to women within the University and wider society.

3. I have spoken to the two chairs of the University's Gender Equality Working Group, and they have categorically stated that a Women's Officer who has publicly displayed sexist views would not be allowed to sit on the following University Boards:
- The Gender Equality Working Group
- The Equal Opportunities Working Group

Sitting on these committee boards is a huge part of the work of the Women's Officer. It is an essential part of the job. If she were unable to fulfill this post, the Union and student representation would suffer.

4. Here at Swansea, we have a Union-wide Zero Tolerance Policy, which states that sexism, in any form, is unacceptable. I believe this campaign would go against this policy.

My additional concerns include the following:

1. That if she runs in this election, some women students may no longer consider my role to be serious and/or important
2. By making a public joke of the Women's Officer position, it puts Liberation issues in jeopardy within our Union
3. That my concerns and worries are not going to be taking seriously by the Union, due to my openness about being a feminist and the fact that this campaign is for my position.

I genuinely believe that by allowing a candidate to run for a Liberation position such as this, especially being as we hold the only Full Time Women's Officer role in Wales. we are putting the position under threat, as well as allowing sexism to have a platform. By allowing a candidate to breach two policies, and run for a position which she clearly believes to be redundant, we are being immoral and not considering our members and their representation.

We would never allow a racist to run for the position of Black Students' Officer. We would never allow students to openly enact sexist roles and wear costumes which re-enforce objectification and sexist views. We do not allow our ENTS team to promote sexist events, and yet this case is apparently non-problematic. However, I am currently on my own in this, and need some advice and support.

Our elections begin on the 15th of March. Looking forward to your response,


Regards,

Eleri Jones | Women's Officer/ Swyddog Menywod "

 I honestly do not feel represented by Eleri, the officer who went round Freshers' Fayre demanding society members remove their hoodies as they have innendo-based slogans on the back of them (such beauties include 'Geographers do it in the field' and 'Psychologists do it on the couch'). I am not going to have my right to make a sandwich based joke taken from me, and I certainly don't believe that these two have the right to tell a candidate what they can, and can't put into their manifesto, especially if it's satirical. (Yes, I realise that there is a line, but I don't believe that Millie is crossing it whatsoever, and I will argue that 'til I'm blue in the face if I have to). 


What is evident here is that Eleri and Steph are trying their damned hardest to cling onto a position which is outdated and detrimental to the union. The position of womens' officer screams that men can't care about womens' issues too, and it removes the chance to establish equality for all within the university, and NUS Wales. 


With that, I fully intend to back Millie's campaign. She might be contentious, but she certainly knows how to get her campaign noticed, and it's this kind of activism that we need within the union.

Glee, One Born Every Minute & Teachers review.

Today, I’m prepared to potentially lose a lot of readers in only my second article. I’m not scared, but I’m barricading myself in my room with some bottled water and a stockpile of Marmite based products and chocolate. Why? Because I am about to insult some of the most famous and loved shows on TV today. Then I’m going to reverse and go for another angle – I’m going to prove yet again that old series are still the best.

Do you know what makes me happy? Music and television combined. I’m talking Jools Holland, old school Top of the Pops, even the odd music video. Do you know what I loathe? Glee. It fills me with anything but. Glee is the kind of television show that’s reserved for mindless teenagers and single female nut jobs with more cats than ex-boyfriends. It manages to mix the twee reworks of songs alongside the coming of age stories we all go through. Except that if any of my friends went through them in the same way as that, I’d have to punch them all in the face until they realised that a good night out down Wind Street will fix almost any woe. For this reason, I’d appreciate it if all the ‘Gleeks’ who try to change my attitude towards it would just gluck off.

Another thing that makes me happy is babies; little chubby happy babies, giggling away. So why is it that every week I put myself through the trauma of One Born Every Minute? I can only hope that they’re using it in sex education at schools now – move over Marie Stopes, there’s a new contraceptive in town, and it’s visual! However, for all the disgustingness in the show (did you know that in the American version, midwives wear protective glasses in case of ‘splatter’?), there are some genuinely beautiful, heart rendering moments. What I love most about this show is the realness of it – no scripts, no prepared scenes, just the stark reality of how much hard work there is to be done within a busy maternity ward. Of course, this doesn’t mean I’m ever going to understand why expectant mothers allow themselves to be filmed for national television. That’s just crazy.

Speaking of absolutely infantile beings, this week’s recommendation of an old series goes to Teachers, all the way from 2001. The programme follows the adventures of several teachers in a Bristol secondary school, both at work and within their extra-curricular activities – a lot of which seems to revolve around going to the pub and discussing which celebrities or colleagues they’d sleep with. However, I argue that Teachers manages to present those in the profession as human beings dealing with the same issues as everyone else, not just those faceless beings who present you with a tonne of homework on a Friday night. It’s ridiculously funny, it’s interesting, and it’s one of the best series that British television has ever managed to come up with. The first three series star Andrew Lincoln as Simon who spends the majority of his times using the same excuses as his students to explain why he hasn’t done his work; possibly one of the most likable characters in existence, yet if you found out that he was teaching your kids, you’d immediately send them to boarding school. I was hooked from the first episode, and I will bet you my first born that you will be too.

All four series of Teachers can be found on 4oD. One Born Every Minute is on Wednesday nights at 9pm on Channel 4. I’m not telling you when Glee is on.

Newport State of Mind

Newport State of Mind

I can fully guarantee that everyone reading this article has, at some point, visited Newport. You may not have stepped out of the train station, or gotten any closer to the finest city in South Wales than the junction 24A on the M4, but you’ve definitely been there. So here’s my round up of the most amazing things to see in Newport – otherwise known as Zooport, The Port, or even Casnewydd.

1. Newport Train station: Broadly known as one of the coldest places on Earth outside of the Arctic Circle, Newport station is a treasure to behold. From the air, it looks like a metal armadillo gone wrong and is home to the world’s most inappropriately placed Upper Crust café and a miniature WHSmiths. On a Friday and Saturday night, you can sit on the platforms and watch the groups pop off to Cardiff for a sensible drink. This usually involves being serenaded by a fat valleys man and giving a statement to the police after you’ve watched a fight.
2. The Transporter Bridge: A little further out of the city centre for those who want to experience the ‘real’ Newport, this is the most loved bridge in south Wales. For the mere sum of £1, you can drive your beloved car onto the wooden platform that you’ll pray for the entire journey doesn’t collapse into the River Usk flowing below. You can see the natural beauty of Newport in all its glory, with its mud banks filled to the brim with shopping trollies and odd shoes. It’s a cracker that you can’t afford to miss.
3. The shopping centre: As a previous employee of a store on Newport’s main high street, I can fully vouch for the sheer lack of hope that it embodies. You can regularly see those families practising for their debut on The Jeremy Kyle show gathering outside McDonalds and screaming the most intimate details of their lives to the entire street. Poundland is the equivalent of the department store here, with their selection of fine homewares and fashion all under one roof. Here you can also play the fun game ‘Why is That Man Looking so Shifty?’ The possible answers are: he’s a shoplifter, he’s a drug dealer, or his face is just unfortunate in that way.
4. The Roman Amphitheatre, Caerleon: Don’t think that Newport neglects its history buffs! Just a little way out from the centre, Caerleon is home to the fantastic Roman Amphitheatre, fortress and museum. If you lived anywhere near here as a child, you’ve undoubtedly already been bored to death here on school trips, but if not, I’m going to let you into a secret. Across the road from the museum is one of the nicest pubs I’ve ever been in. After ten minutes of staring at Roman coins and pieces of broken pottery – it would be rude not to visit, it’s free entry after all – I can fully recommend you go in there and have a nice pint to forget why you ever decided to visit Newport in the first place.

(I'd like to point out that I'm a Newportonian myself, so I'm allowed to say these things. Kinda.)