OH, you freshers, with your shiny new student accounts and enthusiasm, eager to experience all that university can throw at you.
For many of you, this is the first time away from home. You’re
anxious to assert your independence, and mostly this will come in the
form of consuming far too much exotic-looking alcohol and being in
pictures that you definitely won’t want your parents to see.
Now, I’ve been a fresher twice – yes, I made a Poor Life Choice
(hereby known as a PLC) when I first applied to Portsmouth University,
but I made up for it tenfold by switching to Swansea as soon as I could.
So it is with my wisdom and experience of making some serious PLCs that
I am here to guide you through the next year. I want you all to make a
point of learning from my mistakes. Alternatively, you could make some
even bigger ones so that mine look good in comparison.
1. Firstly, do not attach yourself to someone within the first week
of university. You’re here for three years, and they won’t seem half as
attractive within six months. Don’t rush; you’ve plenty of time to find
someone your parents will hate.
2. Secondly, your student loan is finite. I know, it’s a horrible
realisation. You also have to be aware of your priorities: first comes
your rent and bills, second to that is food, and then it’s important
things like books and shoes that will see you through the winter. Only
when you have managed to negotiate these hurdles is it appropriate to
spend the rest of your loan on new clothes and alcohol. You will soon
learn to budget and shop around – for example, buy fresh food in the
market where you only buy as much as you need for cheaper, and then go
to JC’s for a pint rather than one of Wind Street’s fine establishments.
If you can, try and save yourself some money for over the holidays –
right now, it is the end of August, and I am sat here with precisely
£9.86 to my name, with three weeks to go until pay day. Remember what I
said – learn from my mistakes.
3. Pace yourself. In small to medium doses, alcohol is not
necessarily that bad for you – although what is said for your body is
not necessarily true for your wallet. However, getting completely
obliterated four times a week is bad for you, and you will do well to
avoid doing so, else you will be making a PLC. I conducted a personal
study this year by getting drunk very regularly for a fortnight. My body
held a small demonstration, and I was unable to eat properly for a
month. I felt disgusting, looked awful, and my mum was furious, but my
housemates were overjoyed by how much food I gave to them – every cloud
has a silver lining, I guess.
4. Fourth, eat properly. Please don’t make a point of eating only
potato smileys and turkey dinosaurs for every meal just because you can.
Eventually, you are going to get sick of beige-coloured food, and you
will want some vegetables. Beat your body shutting down on you by
learning how to cook. Waterstones in the Taliesin sell some basic
student cook books that are brilliant for learning the staples of home
cooking, and if you can’t be bothered to buy them, you can just take
pictures of the recipes on your iPhone.
5. For this one, make sure your parents are out of the room… Gone?
Excellent. Boys and girls, you may have heard of sex. You may have heard
that university is a brilliant place to obtain it. Let me tell you,
Swansea may have gone up in the University Sex League (up to 12th place,
from last year’s 60, woo!), but university is not one massive orgy. Or
at least, if it is, I’ve not been invited. Anyway, if you are going to
do it, your Students’ Union provides thousands of free condoms per year.
Make use of them – and not for balloon animals. Also, make sure that
you have enough money the next morning for the taxi of disgrace, rather
than having to humiliate yourself with the walk of shame. Alternatively,
if you’ve awoken being able to remember their name, you are entitled to
take the stride of pride. Congratulations.
6. Join a society. I really, really wish I’d done this in my first
year. Since joining The Waterfront – not technically a society, but you
know what I mean – I have had the best time at university. I’ve met
friends for life, learnt new skills, discovered what I want to be when I
grow up, and had some awesome experiences. No matter what you’re
interested in, you’ll find a society for it, and if you can’t, don’t be
afraid to form your own.
7. Do some work – everyone knows the freshers’ mantra of ‘f**k it, 40
percent’, but organising yourself to do some work from the off is a
really good habit to form, and it looks a lot better on your transcript.
Learn to organise yourself so that you’re not working right up until
the deadline, too. There’s nothing worse than sleeping through the
hand-in deadline and waking up to your face in your keyboard, smothered
in drool.
8. Perhaps the best and most useful piece of advice I can give you is
to enjoy yourself. Don’t forget that you’re here to work, but
university is also about a whole new lifestyle and learning about
yourself and the world around you. Forget school being the best days of
your life – your time at Swansea will definitely beat it.
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