Things I'd like to see.

As I sit here at my beloved laptop - everyone, PCBunny, PCBunny, everyone - I ponder about writing you a post on the budget that was delivered today by everyone's favourite child-Chancellor, Gideon Osbourne.

Then I realised that that would be incredibly depressing, no one would care, and ultimately I wouldn't get any more hits on this new baby of mine; by the way, we're over 600 at the moment. Thank you everyone for sharing my post on Facebook and sending people to look at it, it makes me feel all smart and special :)

So I thought I'd do a more interesting post: things that I'd like to see occur, both within Swansea (which means foretelling the election results, obviously) and in the wider world.

Firstly, I'll cover the topic of elections:

Tom Upton creates a Facebook status that doesn't get about 25 likes, and is uncovered as an alcoholic, womanising git, with a video of him surfacing in which he threatens several members of staff to a death match for not realising who he is.


Millie Balkan is uncovered as the scariest feminist in the world and bans all men from campus.

Zahid Raja fails to get into the position of education officer and is instead forced to go to medical school. He gets the highest marks in the history of the university and saves millions of lives without trying. Forty five years later, he is still upset that he never got to parade around outside Fulton House with placards calling for new books and an increase in the number of careers advisors.

Jon May and Becca Taylor don't pick up on a wrong spelling of Students' Union on a candidate's literature and are forever expelled from the Waterfront Office for their failures.

Candidates realise that accosting me on the way to the world's most boring lecture is not the best way to secure my vote, and allow me to walk into Faraday from the library freely.

And the best thing I've already seen this election period: canvassers seeing the sign my housemate put up, and not knocking on my front door

  

 (Thank you, Matt Edwards, you absolute legend).

And everything else:

Train companies refuse to let you get on a train if you're not well-versed in earphone etiquette - if I can hear your music over mine, then you're doing it wrong. They also decide to separate people, allowing them to sit in the carriage that corresponds with what newspaper they read. The Guardian carriage is going to be full of Kettle Chips and Chopin, with informed debates over the Kony situation and how to remove gender inequality from the workplace. The Daily Mail carriage will be full of bile and vitriol, with catty comments about how fat celebrities look in their bikinis. There will be no snacks as they all give you cancer.

Drivers will learn how to indicate properly on roundabouts. They will also learn how not to use the outside lane when you're going all the way around it.

Seagulls will stop flying into my bedroom window when I'm delicately applying eyeliner first thing in the morning.

Bacon will be one day viewed as a basic human right, and will be heavily subsidised by the government on the basis that it makes everyone hapy. Even vegetarians.

And lastly:
David Mitchell will see the light and choose to marry me, rather than Victoria Coren. I think we all know that I'm the superior choice. Sob.


Readers: what would you like to see? And what would you like me to write about? I have a fair few ideas, but it would be nice to get an idea of what you'd like to see covered :)