Everyone who knows me will be able
to attest to the fact that I have the body of a God. The God of vanilla lattes,
biscuits and a sedentary lifestyle. Armed with this vessel of greatness, I
think I can be allowed to pass comment on perhaps the biggest event to hit
Britain in 2012 – The Olympics.
Comprised of 26
sports, The Olympics promises over two weeks of almost non-stop sporty
goodness. Britain will be overtaken by thousands of eager tourists who have
paid hundreds, if not thousands of pounds for the privilege of watching some
live sport that they probably don’t even understand the rules of.
But why have the
festivities already appear to have started? I saw a 2012 Olympic games shop in
Stansted Airport in September last year. LAST YEAR! I’m sure you’ll all be as
pleased as I was that it was entirely devoid of customers, yet stuffed to the
brim with stuffed toys of those bizarre mascots of ours. I have no idea what
those things are, but the chocolate version of them are delicious.
However, I have a
bigger gripe with the Olympics. I am absolutely sick of everyone trying to tell
us how fantastic it is for the country. One of their biggest arguments for this
is how children will be inspired to take part in sport. I was threatened with
detention for a month if I didn’t actively take part in my twice-weekly PE
lessons and yet I still managed to go and find a tree to hide behind twice a
week. Children aren’t inspired to play
more sport by seeing their country being overtaken by Olympic fever in the same
way that they’re not inspired to go and steal cars and pick up prostitutes
after playing Grand Theft Auto. I have a bit of an idea though – while Britain
is gripped in what is too frequently described as an ‘obesity epidemic’, how
about we don’t make the official sponsors of the games McDonalds, Cadburys, and
Coca Cola? I might not be athletically inclined, but I’m pretty sure the people
competing didn’t get where they are today by shovelling that stuff down their
throats. How about using the games as an opportunity to help improve
nutritional standards, and not just further profits of three major
trans-national companies?
I also take
issue with how we’re all supposed to be impressed with the regeneration of East
London. Now, I originally hail from south London myself, and I can attribute to
the fact that London is quite a long
way away from Swansea. Yet despite this, and the fact that the majority of us
will never get to get anywhere near these new facilities, we’re still paying
for it.
And this is my
last major complaint – the cost. So far, estimates for the whole cost of the
games are around £24 billion, including public transport upgrades. Do you
realise quite how much that could buy you? That’s 12 billion cider and blacks
in JC’s, or 60 million new iPads. The best part is that all the private
sponsors have disappeared, leaving the government to cough up for the entirety
of it. I think it’s incredibly unfair that we’re all paying through the nose
for something that we only wanted so that the French didn’t get it, especially
at a time of recession.
Simply put, the
Olympics is expensive, we’re surrounded by propaganda, and if you dared to have
had a baby after having bought your tickets, don’t try and bring it with you,
because you won’t be allowed. Yet there is one silver lining on this grey cloud
of misery – whenever I see the official logo, all I can see is Lisa Simpson
doing something naughty, and that can only improve my day.
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